technically consent

 I can't go to where he works, even though I often need to. That park where we first kissed is off limits. I shouldn't feel this way. I loved him, and I think he loved me, I mean he had to, right? And what he did shouldn't cause me this much trauma, right? It was always *technically* consent. If I were to go to court he would be innocent, I looked. So then why? Why do I feel this way? Maybe because I was too young (14). Maybe because I didn't listen to my first "no", and nor did he. And I can't say rape because I did say yes. I can't say coercion cause he didn't intimidate me. And I can't say abuse because he never laid a hand on me. But I'm still scared. I'm really scared