growing up…

Growing up, I was taught that a girl’s sexuality was something to be ashamed of, afraid of, exploited. The only messaging I got was from religion: abstinence and guilt, whores and sinners. Then I began studying medicine. Sex was just...biology? It was confusing, but because we didn’t talk about sex, I couldn’t ask. I remember being about 8 and looking up “sex” in the dictionary which, as you can imagine, was zero percent helpful regarding the details: how was it done, how did it feel, was it shameful? Once I hit puberty, I felt guilt just thinking about sex or getting wet from making out with my boyfriend (which was always very PG). It has taken me a long time not to feel guilt about my own sexuality - not just having sexual thoughts and feelings and masturbating and enjoying sex as a woman but certainly also because I’m a queer woman. And what my religious upbringing certainly didn’t tell me? Healthy, consensual sex with someone you love - regardless of your or that person’s gender, regardless of your marital status - is NOTHING to be ashamed of. In fact, I’m pretty fucking proud of how good I can make my partner feel. In fact, I’m pretty proud of the times I’ve owned my own sexuality, whether with a partner or alone, and whether that looked like saying yes or saying no.