“When I was 17 I wanted so badly to measure up…”

When I was 17 I wanted so badly to measure up to all my friends sexual experiences so when I had those experiences it didn’t matter what happened to me because the next day I got to go to school with a new sex stamp in my passport. It didn’t matter that I had bruises on my body from the experience or that my head was pushed down when I wanted to be done or that the door was locked and I couldn’t call for help. For some odd reason none of that mattered I didn’t consider this to be sexual assault or non consensual or not appropriate because I didn’t know that what happened to me was anything but normal.